Types of Expats in Thailand

After living in Thailand for a year or so you come across many different types of expats, which one do you fall under?

The school teacher

The school teacher is the easiest type of expat to spot, found mostly on the BTS or MRT, wearing a badly fitted shirt a few sizes too big for them, huge sweat patch on their back and black trousers a few inches too short showing their white socks. They usually rock an expressionless face, eyes glazed over while heading home to their 3,000 baht 24sq meter apartment that they share with their girlfriend Nok and their cat Noodles.

Bangkok Teacher

The poker player

The poker player won’t usually been seen until after the sun goes down as they are night owls of Thailand. They tend to have a disregard for money as all they do is sit in front of a screen clicking buttons and their bank accounts seem to fill up. They have their own elite circles and they are difficult to spot unless you are in the know. They live the dream by partying when they want, dropping stacks like it aint chit change and doing what ever it is they want.

Pro tip: To locate a group of pokers players in a club or bar, find a big group of skinny guys around a table in a club with exactly 0 ladies around them.

The annoying Scandi/French men

Nobody really knows what these people do, because they never leave their own social circles, the Scandi’s will always stick with the Scandi’s, and the French, well f*** the French that’s what. This type of expat is easy to spot, they won’t make any effort to talk too you or show you any kind of common courtesy when in a public arena.

They are aware you can’t speak their native tongue, so instead of speaking English to involve you in the conversation they will disregard you completely while standing only a few centimeters away and go ahead and talk in their own native dialect.

The infected wxpat (yellowf ever)

The infected expat has been in Thailand for a few months and for the first time in his life, girls are actually talking to him, and before he realizes it, he is infected with Yellow Fever. Yellow Fever is the infection that makes you find any Asian girl attractive and your appetite for girls of all other races becomes neutralized.

This is due to the amount of attention girls are giving them in Thailand for simply being white skinned. They no longer find white girls as attractive and start to build a resentment towards them that grows stronger with each passing day.

The white knight

These types of expats falls in love with the first girl that batters her eye lids at them, they instantly move in, she quits her job and the white knight ends up paying for everything. A few months go past and he realizes it’s a huge mistake to have let her move in and that she has the IQ of a cumquat.

But it’s too late, he’s gone past the point of no return and is unsure how he is going to kick her out. This usually ends up pretty messy and the white knight undoubtedly repeats this process again, and again.

Thailand white knight

Old fat guy in a wife beater

Most likely divorced and either retired living on his pension or sitting on his dwindling life savings. They tend to keep it classy by drinking in the same bars everyday from around 2pm onwards, wearing the typical wife beater which nicely shows their back and chest hairs to the public. These types of expats usually sits alone gazing at the streets mindlessly, almost as if they are waiting for someone to put a bullet through their head and to be done with this world.

The Western Woman

The first thought when one see’s a white women in Thailand is “Uwotm8?” Nobody has yet deciphered why out of all the places in the world, women picked Thailand to expatriate too. The women expat is hard to spot for some due to Yellow Fever virus.

The women expat is commonly found on a host of online Thailand forums and Facebook groups, usually complaining about the lack of guys who want to date her and not treating her like a little princess and buying her flowers or showering her with gifts. While at the same time failing to realize that she is fatter than most Thai girls, high maintenance and unlike most Thai girls, she wants her opinions to be heard and valued.

The been here too long expat

After talking to this type of expat for about 10-15 minutes you will instantly realize that something is not right. Soon enough it becomes blatantly clear that they need to go back home as they have serious issues. Don’t dare speak Thai or mention the Thai culture around them because they will correct your every word and constantly tell you that they know everything there is to know about Thailand. They tend to have a bitter relationship with the country due to one of the following:

  • too much drinking/drug abuse
  • failed businesses
  • failed relationships
  • lack of social interaction
  • been outside the “real” world too long

The best advice for meeting a person like that is to agree with whatever they say then to make a hasty exit.

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