BEEP! BEEP! 7:30am, Monday morning in Farangland. I need to get out of bed and get ready for work. I pull the covers in even closer. It’s too cold yet to leave my bed.I dont want to accept the reality of my day just yet. I check my Facebook on my phone, my cretin friends are putting up status updates about non nonsensical bull s*** that makes me so angry I want to kill a litter of kittens. I’m mad, I hate them. 7:45am, oh s***, I need to get ready, my student debt and overpriced gas and electricity bills are not going to pay themselves. What a horrible day.
I’m awake, I don’t hear no alarm, where am I? The air conditioner is blowing at a nice 25 degrees, the sun is shining though the balcony window, what time is it? 10AM! I’M LATE FOR WORK! Oh wait I’m in Thailand. Nok walks over to hand me a cold glass water and starts massaging my shoulders. I feel a bit tense after that close call, I drink some water and decide what to do with my wonderful day.
8:15am in Farangland and I’m scraping frost off my windshield. I look around and everyone else is doing the same. I wish I was in bed. I ate my breakfast so fast I don’t even have a chance to taste it. I run into my car, fingers and toes numb, how I love commuting to work. Some idiot is driving much lower than the speed limit. I’m getting angry because he is making me late for work. But I don’t like work. Why am I in a rush to get there? I must be crazy.
Breakfast, what will I eat? Should I walk across the street for some freshly cut pineapple with a banana & mango shake for just 80cents? Or do I have banana pancakes with an ice coffee for a dollar? My legs are still hurting from leg day at the gym, maybe I need to load up on sushi? No no, I’m too lazy for any of that. I grab the land line and call one of the two in-house restaurants in my apartment. I tell them I want 4 boiled eggs and som tam. I grab my laptop and log onto facebook to see my cretin friends moaning about not having any money and that is too cold back in Farangland. I pity them. If only they knew.
Its 9am back in Farangland. I keep looking at the time. Not time for home yet. I get dragged into a meeting. The boss is saying some gibberish about higher output, productivity, synergy, quarterly profits and some other unimportant crap. I listen to none of it, I don’t want to be here. Why am I here? Everyday? Why don’t I do what I want with my life?
I take off my sandals, I always love the feeling of walking on hot sand. The sun is glaring on me but the breeze from the ocean is cooling me down. I take shade by lying down on a deck chair covered by an umbrella. The waiter comes and hands me a menu, I order some refreshments, lie down and gaze out. I think to my self that if I look hard enough I might be able to see my old home, Farangland. I sip on my piña colada and slowly fall to sleep while getting a foot massage.
WAKE UP! I’m back in Farangland. I get rudely awoken by my office manager. I was sleeping during my lunch break. Its 12:01 and my break ended 1 minute ago. I walk past the window, it’s raining, the windows are icing up from the cold. I look down from the window. It’s about 7 stories. If I jumped, would I die? Would I feel anything? I try to open the window, but it has a safety lock. Sigh. Back to my office cubical. I spend the next 5 hours shuffling paper and clicking buttons, trying to pretend I’m busy. I look at the calendar. I only have to sacrifice another 364 in Farangland until I am allowed another 20 days off for the year.
I look at the calendar, I never know what day it is, days and dates mean nothing to me now. I don’t live for weekends, I live for now. It feels good not having to give up 5 out of 7 days of the week to do something you don’t want to do. Only at the end of the month to get taxed 30% of your salary, and after paying bills and transportation costs, you are left with spare change and a month less of your life to live.
I love my life!*
*sadly at the time of writing I am actually in Farangland (Australia), so the jokes on me too 🙁