9 Things I Tell Everyone Who’s Planning To Live In Thailand

I got a message from one of my readers (Luke) who said he’s thinking about making the move to live in Thailand, and that he’d love a checklist of what he should do when he lands.

I’ve decided against writing out the basics like finding an apartment and getting the right Thai visas because there’s lots of information online already.

Instead, I’m going to tell you what I’ve learned from being here 3 years that I wished people told me when I first landed.

1. Don’t listen to all the blogs – don’t eat too much street food

When I first got here 3 years ago I went full retard and was eating Thai street food at least once a day.

The food was tasty, easy to source and really cheap. But after finding out how it’s made, it’s really unhealthy for you and for the longest time I was getting headaches, always feeling fatigued and I couldn’t figure out why.

This video surfed this week which shows rats eating raw meat at a night market in Chiang Mai:

If you want to live a healthy life in Thailand, reduce your intake of street food. Most street while being cheap and tasty, is not healthy for you.

For the past 6 months I’ve eaten street food only a handful of times and I’ll cook at home for the most part.

Make sure your room has a stove (studios often won’t have them), if it doesn’t then buy an electric cooker for about 2,000 baht to cook your own food.

Meat at Tesco and the Big C really isn’t that great either and is left exposed in the middle of the store (yes they don’t always keep their meats cool or refrigerated).

Basically limit the amount of low quality food you eat and really understand where your food is coming from, instead of saying …..

vqihuThailand has awesome food but for 30 baht you can’t expect top quality ingredients and the best cleaning standards.

I personally use the Paleo Robbie online grocery, loads of quality meats to pick from and they are much cheaper than Tops and Villa.

2. Wait at least 3 months before you get a girlfriend

Hands up if you landed in Thailand and somehow got yourself a Thai girlfriend within 5 days?

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Let’s be honest, most of us moved here because we were total losers back home and for some strange reason just because you’re white skinned, Thai girls like you.

You need to have a 3 month cooling off period between landing and getting yourself a Thai girlfriend. While there’s plenty of nice Bangkok girls, there’s just as many crazy ones.

Don’t make the mistake of getting a girlfriend on day one, because on day 7 you’ll be thinking WTF have I gotten myself into when she’s spending all your money and moved half of her belongings in your 21sq meter studio.

3. Make yourself some friends before you land

Unless you’re backpacking meeting other people (shoot me now), life in Thailand can get quite lonely if you don’t know anyone. I think this is the number one reason why so many people get a girlfriend so fast, to fill the void of being alone.

It’s a little hard to make decent friends when living in Thailand because most of the expats are so loopy and fucked,. I suggest to get yourself on Meetup and join a few football games or something and feel people out.

4. Don’t listen to 90% of the Thailand blogs online

Because most of them talk absolute shit, that includes mine.

Over half the places they suggest you to visit, see or do are either overpriced, completely touristy, boring as f***, sometimes all three if you’re really unlucky.

You’re better off going onto small niche forums and asking people for their opinions than reading too many travel blogs, most will never say a bad thing about anything even when something sucks.

5. Get yourself a bank account right away

If you plan on staying here for any amount of time, get yourself a bank account as soon as you land. You can get a bank account in Thailand on a tourist visa at Bangkok Bank. Go to their website to check what paperwork you need.

There’s nothing more annoying than carrying 75,000b worth of cash with you when you land then worry about if you’ll get robbed if you leave it in the safe.

You’ll also get raped each time you use an ATM in Thailand with the fees as max withdraw limits are 30,000 in most places.

6. If you don’t have a routine, you will ruin yourself

After the initial honeymoon period of living in Thailand is over, you have to buckle down and focus on what you really want to do in life else….

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Thailand is a great place to suck you out of all your money and put you in a world of hurt. Have a balanced work/life routine, even if that’s volunteering or improving your Thai language skills, do something asides from going out and masturbating.

7.  If you can’t control yourself Thailand is not for you

I’ve made friends with a few people who should never have been allowed to live in Thailand.

They had no self control and went broke within a few months spending money on meeting girls, partying and banging hookers. While these kind of activities are fine for a-2 week holiday, if you plan on living in Thailand you’ll go broke pretty quick.

I’ve seen people max out credit cards and owe me and other’s money. If you’re the person who has no self-control, don’t come to Thailand long-term.

8. Use protection

Whether you’re riding a motorbike or planning to go deep inside, please use protection. Bangkok motorcycle drivers just want to get from A to B in the shortest amount of time, sometime driving at stupid speeds. And it’s not only them, other drivers on the road may not know how to drive or be drunk.

Always wear or be covering your helmet (pun intended).

9. If you meet a girl in an after hours you should probably give her money

When you first come to Thailand and head to an after hours club like Spicy, Bossy, Swing, Climax, Levels or Insanity, you could literally walk in, talk to a girl and leave with her within 5 minutes.

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This doesn’t mean you’re shit hot and she loves your moves, it just means you’ve most likely talked to a bar girl and she’s expecting for you to pay her for the service later. Whether you decide to pay or play dumb that’s really up to you, but 9/10 she will want money even if she doesn’t directly ask you for it if you visit hooker infested clubs.

Leave a 1,000b on the dresser and if she picks it up, I was right (I will be right). Ever took a girl home from such a place and then can’t figure out why she hasen’t left at 4pm? Probarly because she’s waiting for you to give her a ‘tip’ and that she’s too shy to ask for it herself/lose face.

Summary

When anyone comes to Thailand the first time, these are usually the things I tell them if they plan to live in Thailand. I’m sure there’s more tips, so leave them in the comments.

If you are planning to live in Thailand and want help getting setup, contact me as a I have a very good Thai friend who can help you get a bank account, find an apartment and, sim-card and everything else.

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