A Day in the Life of a Creep

A faint light appears.

I instinctively rub my eyes and see it’s 9:27 am.

I can’t remember the last time I used an alarm clock.

I get out of bed, relax on the balcony and take in the views.

I hear splashing.

Two (hot) women are taking selfies in the condo pool.

I see them, but they can’t see me.

I extend balcony time by 20 minutes.

Feeling a load lighter, I make breakfast.

Then I take the commute to work.

3 seconds later I’m at my desk.

The next hour is spent writing this blog post.

Done.

1:17 pm

Gym and steam room.

2:47 pm

My phone makes a sound.

I meet an old friend for brunch.

He tells me a new online dating strategy he learned.

I decided to try it.

I do push-ups, clean the apartment and change the bed sheets.

6:58 pm

I arrive at the fancy Japanese restaurant she insisted we try.

7:37 pm

She apologies for being 35 minutes late.

It’s fine, really.

I fucking hate her.

She orders the most expensive thing on the menu, and 3 cocktails during dinner.

I want to get a sledgehammer and crush her fucking skull.

8:45 pm

My heart skips a beat when I pick up the bill.

Want to hit a bar or drink some wine on my balcony, it has amazing views – I said.

I have work in the morning, I’m going home – she said.

I blow up into a million tiny pieces.

10:12 pm

I contact Minny.

She was cheaper than my date and complimented my bedsheets.

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