Being Jaded in Thailand and Dealing with it
It’s official: I’m a jaded Bangkok expat.
It’s impossible to live in a city like Bangkok and not become jaded at some point.
This year I have been blogging more about the negatives of living in Bangkok. I am not doing this because I hate Thailand (it’s my #1 favorite country).
I am doing it because it’s therapeutic for me to write down my experiences, and this blog is my personal diary.
I hope my rambling can act as signposts for others in Thailand and those of who you’re considering the move to the continent, as much of what I write can translate to other Asian cities.
A small percentage of my audience reject the negative experiences I write about saying I’m talking rubbish and it’s only because I’m a washed up sexpat.
Before I talk about my story of being jaded in Thailand, let me tell you a little about the man behind the keyboard.
I have the best long-stay visa in Thailand.
I work 3-4 hours per day (optional). I work because I enjoy what I do, the money I earn is a secondary benefit because luckily I have enough of that for now.
I’ve not been drunk once this year. And I don’t sleep with hookers.
I’m in healthy shape and most nights I’m in bed before 11:30 pm.
I have a fairly okay social life in Thailand and have super close relationships with my friends and family back home.
You could sum up my life as mundane or standard, and with the rap sheet above I could easily be mistaken for a normal human being.
If I can get jaded in Bangkok, and I believe I am living an incredibly healthy and privileged lifestyle compared to most western men, anyone can get jaded.
With that in your mind, here’s my story of becoming jaded in Bangkok and how I’m dealing with it.
The high
I was a happy-go-lucky person when I came to Thailand at 23.
Let’s move to Thailand with no money I said to myself…
When I got off the plane I was bear-hugging taxi drivers because they were so cheap and awesome.
Is there a more exciting experience than getting on the back of a motorbike for the first time and watching them whizz through traffic almost killing you in the process?
Admin stuff (banking, visa renewals, condo finding) during the honeymoon years was done with a big smile on my face.
Not once did I question why it took 1 hour to get a bank statement at a branch, or why Bangkok realtors never showed me the rooms they listed on their website.
Watching people drive was intense, whoever has the biggest car has right of way.
I have to pay 10x as much as a Thai person to enter any historical site or park, I’m cool with that.
Unless you’re a miserable person in general, most things you experience in Bangkok when you get here are fucking awesome.
Everything is seen with the glass half-full.
My Bangkok experience in the first two years was very similar to taking LSD for the first time.
I was on the biggest come up of my life.
Food can taste that good?
Thai massages are REALLY that cheap?
Thai girls actually want to talk to me?
I can rent an apartment in Bangkok on the 42nd floor with skyline views for next to nothing?
My body’s five senses hearing, taste, smell, touch, and sight were firing at 110% at all times in Bangkok. The city is so intense it’s hard not to enjoy every second.
I never understood why some people disliked Bangkok, they would come to Thailand and skip Bangkok totally for the smaller cities like Chaing Mai or Phuket. Now I realize it’s because these people don’t want to run at 110% all the time, so opt for the smaller locations where it’s not as crazy.
It’s common for older expats to move outside of Bangkok where it’s quieter or to places like Hua Hin or Issan if they get married after living in Bangkok for many years.
The low
If you’ve ever done drugs, you know what comes after the high.
You cannot run at 110% all the time, well I can’t.
7 years in and Bangkok taxis are considered annoying for asking for 6x the rate at popular locations or when it’s raining.
It’s no longer exciting when I’m walking down a narrow pavement and several motorbike drivers are beeping at me to move.
It’s exhausting when I need a simple task done at the local bank and it takes 45 minutes.
When they do any type of construction it seems their main goal is to start as early as possible (7am) and to make as much noise as possible.
Now I’m triggered that I have to pay 10x than Thai for entry to parks.
These things didn’t bother me when I first moved here.
It didn’t make any sense to me why I’m was getting annoyed/feeling entitled/jaded all of a sudden, as I live a healthy-ish lifestyle and have money to do what I want.
Turns out being healthy and having money doesn’t help when it comes to mental problems.
So I asked myself the following questions:
“Why am I feeling like this? And am I the only one who feels like this?”
After a few days of thinking, it hit me.
I feel like this is because I am not correctly adjusting my mindset to live in Bangkok.
My entire life I’ve been bought up with western values, ideas and social norms. I was schooled in the west for a good 15 years where they taught me right from wrong.
My mind is operating on the Western World operating system, I need to install a patch to make it compatible with Thailand.
Culture Clash
There is a massive culture clash with Thailand over any first world country.
These clashes if looked at in the wrong way (which I and others do), can lead you to become jaded, if your financial and social situation is not in order, can lead into depression or worse…
Let me give you several examples of clashes of culture you can experience in daily Thailand life.
There are zebra crossings all over Bangkok but nobody will ever stop for you, and Thai bystanders never get upset. If they are brave they will walk while putting up their hand telling the car to slow down. The driver of the car NEVER gets angry when this is done to them, they act like that’s a normal thing to do.
In England if you drive through a zebra crossing when someone is waiting, you will receive a fine and even fail your driving test. On one occasion I’ve seen an actual fight break out because the car did not stop and the person threw a rock through the car window.
Fights in the west for this type of thing are common and all over YouTube because we as westerns feel entitled:
Why do I get frustrated when I need to do any type of paperwork in Thailand? Because in England everything is done online, or takes only a few minutes in person and is straightforward.
In Thailand, the rules depend on who is working that day, how they feel and whether they like you or not.
There are bars in Thailand that only allow Japanese guests, and the doormen will tell you to your face you’re not allowed in because you’re a farang.
Thais don’t get upset at not being allowed in, only westerners.
If a bar in the US didn’t allow black people in, you’d have 500 social justice warriors leaving fake Yelp reviews and protesting outside it.
Commence in Thailand is free, businesses can refuse to serve anyone without reason, many of us aren’t used to that type of rejection.
When you visit a restaurant in America, the waiters make you feel special and important.
Walk into a street food restaurant in Bangkok and you’re of so little importance that often the vendor won’t even acknowledge you as you walk in. And when it’s time to order the only words they say are “what do you want?” in a mean voice. They are not being rude, that’s just how some vendors are.
In the western world, meals come out all at once so the group can enjoy the dinner together. In Thailand, they bring out the meal individually. If you order a complicated dish it’s common for your meal to come out 20 minutes after everyone else has eaten, sometimes even longer and they won’t apologize or give you a discount.
Songkran is a Thai national holiday where you’re getting water thrown in your face no matter what clothes you’re wearing or where you’re going. You could be dressed in a suit with a laptop bag and plead with Thais not to soak you, and you’ll still get soaked.
Imagine if that were the rules for a water holiday in your hometown, there would be a fight every 12 seconds.
Try getting a relaxing massage when the masseur is talking to her colleague on and off throughout the hour. To any westerner, this is terrible service and you’d be within your right for a full refund in your home country.
In Thailand this is just how things are at cheaper massages (250b or less per hour), they are having an open conversation in Thai and you’re more than welcome to join in.
Thailand is the complete opposite to the west on so many levels for just about everything. If you don’t acknowledge this and practice awareness in daily Bangkok life, it can drive you up the wall and leave you jaded like me and others.
The most popular forum in Thailand Thai Visa is widely known for expats bickering.
Join any Thailand Facebook group and not a day goes by where expats aren’t blasting Thai landlords for high rent, or being outraged at something else. They are usually upset about things they that would not happen in their home country.
I’m not going to lie, living in Bangkok can be tough when you realize how different the culture is to what you or I have been used to for over 2 and a half decades.
Just like you can become jaded with a workout routine, a job, the same breakfast every morning or a music CD – you can with a city.
I think I have it easier than most as the younger you’re the easier it is to adjust to a new culture. If you’re over 40 and have never come to Thailand, you have 4 decades of western programming and it will be harder adjust (you can, but you’ll need to put in the work).
Nowadays when I get annoyed or frustrated at the Thai way of things (i.e a culture clash), I compare how its handled in my home country to Thailand, and instead of deciding which way is right and which is wrong, I’m just glad I get to experience and learn from both cultures which very few people get to see.
That’s the real value.
It’s a real eye-opener how laid back and relaxed but totally in-efficient and un-optimized Thais are, to how optimized and efficient the UK is but totally uptight and rigged at the same time.
Does everyone get jaded?
I was born in a very small town where one language was spoken and you’d always meet someone you know when you went out. There was no traffic, madness or chaos (which is what Bangkok is).
I’m not used to big city life, so the culture clash for anyone with a similar background will be harder to deal with than someone else who was bought up a city like Bangkok which has several million people.
Nobody ever wants to admit they are jaded of Bangkok because it sounds like you’re a failure. A few years ago I thought I’d never become jaded as admitting that would mean the bubble I was living it could pop.
The bubble has popped and I’m glad because there’s so much more I can see now.
there’s not a lot of documentation about this stuff online, and it’s why I want to talk about it. If I knew all this when I first got off the plane in 2012, I could have prepared for it a lot better.
Are you jaded in Bangkok?
I’ve said it in many blog posts that I make it a point to leave Asia once a year and visit in a first world continent (usually Europe/UK) for 1-3 months.
I call this a soft reset and lets me rebalance my mind, consider a new way of thinking and keep in touch with both realities.
Each time I go to the West I start to appreciate everything Bangkok can give me.
Each time I spend too much time in Bangkok I start to appreciate everything the West can give me.
For the long-timers who read my blog, what tips and strategies do you use to avoid being jaded in Bangkok or Asia and to keep your mental mind in check? Are you even aware you’re jaded?
If you agree or disagree with any statements about being jaded in Thailand, please leave a comment below.
You think you’re jaded? Oh man.
A good few Thai apologists are simply trapped in Thailand and have zero choice but to suck it up. You see those awfully dressed english teacher types on the bts who have never owned shoe polish or an iron? They sport ill fitting pants and short sleeved shirts? Those types are most likely the low end who can’t get it together to save up and go home. They really want to deep inside but can’t.
Ever seen photos of the kinds of places where the jaded low end top themselves? It’s a grim reality that most can’t identify with. Tbe huge number of suicidal farangs in Thailand is a clue.
Why? I hear you ask? The usual reasons, sadly. Fell for a girl who dumped them or screwed them for cash. How can these seemingly innocent sweet smiling lovelies switch?
This is just a small example. It’s vital to get back home a few times a year to get back to reality, civilisation, rule of law, complain and be listened to, be able to cross the road, not witness this insane worship of the rich and white skinned, etc etc. Thailand really can be hell. Even worse if it’s Bangkok. Pattaya is hell at the best of times. Many are trapped tbere too. Must be torturous.
Live without the option of a break gets old fast, man. Spare a thought for these losers. They live in a bubble of cheap booze, low wages, renting rooms in horrible locations and the wrong girlfriends.
They go on about how they feel accepted and how the west has gone to pot. They go on about how cheap street food is and how locations like (example) Huay Kwang or Victory Monument are ‘up and coming’
They call it paradise. They say stuff like “this would never happen in the west” and laugh off crap like getting overcharged and the general piss poor local way of doing things. 90% are alcoholics. One of their favourite sayings is “you should leave if you can’t handle it” or “that must have happened to you” if you dare to disagree on any online forums.
Thai Visa dot com is packed with these losers all trying to outdo eachothers delusions and getting hostile and aggresive if anyone questions them. Half the mods there are the same losers to. Disagree and they ban you for a thousand years. That’s no bad thing trust me.
Life is tough and it takes character and nerves of steel to get through it at the best of times in Bangkok.
Spare a thought for the low enders. Back home they’d be asking you for spare change but here they feel like they are living a dream.
Still jaded Harvie? How about starting a charity for these loonies?
lol, okay now I don’t feel so jaded when you put it like that, but yes that can end up to many people. This is why I think it’s important to have some connections back home, they are usually the best chance of saving you from this happening.
You are not old enough to be jaded, you sound more bored than anything. Why did you come to Asia? To do all the same things you did back home, only cheaper? Or did you come to learn about the history of Thailand/Siam/IndoChina? About the trees, animals, fish, birds, and flowers? That’s what any country is; not what’s available in the cities. Cities are the same anywhere in the world: noisy, dirty, crowded, dangerous, vectors for disease, and most of all, expensive. I suggest volunteering in an orphanage or starting a soup kitchen for the street kids.
Good comment Joseph. I’m currently having a huge urge for travel actually, which I never had in the last 2-4 years.
He came for the same reasons all western farangs do. For the cheap girls and the cheap living. To feel way more important since he never got the same attention in his home country. Did he learn the language or even bother trying? NO. Did he try to learn their values and culture, Nope! Like all farangs, he didn’t feel valued or respected in his country. All farangs are this person, but will NEVER admit it. World would be a better place without liars
Why not try another location in Thailand for a set period of time to compare. You never know you might be surprised.
That is my plan. I was thinking of starting to do 3 months in Japan, easy visa requirements and a little less chaos if I go outside of Tokyo.
Taiwan is also a good option. It’s like a 1st world version of Bangkok with much friendlier people. Same weather as Bangkok too.
I really like Taiwan, much slower pace of life and good sidewalks. Street food is so cheap too!
I think everyone gets jaded no matter where they move assuming it’s a big enough culture or climate clash. Southeast Asia is probably the worst because people mentally build it up to something that it’s not before moving here. Once that false reality is shattered, then you turn into one of those guys wearing shorts, a tank top, and drinking Chang at 2PM while complaining to other expats in the bar. We all know the type.
I tempered my expectations of Vietnam a bit before moving here and it’s worked fine so far. My low will probably be less than most because my high was less than most.
The soft reset sounds like a good option, probably do one later this year to Hawaii or Europe as I can already feel myself beginning to get a little jaded. Sucks that my hometown is 40 hours of flights and layovers though.
Yes it really sucks for Americans when flying back. You should consider Australia for 1-2 months instead of flying back. It’s a western culture with easy direct back to Asia.
Completely forgot about Australia lol. Thanks for the tip.
Bangkok would have me Jaded too. Couldn’t imagine living somewhere so chaotic hey.
Jadedness is imo mostly about not having a clear understanding of what you want from life or who you are. If you know that being a degenerate in Thailand is the best you can do in life, then you wouldn’t feel jaded. What you’re describing sounds more like you’ve “grown up” somewhat in Thailand, now you’re Mr. Goody Two Shoes, but you don’t feel Thailand rewards you for being a proper human being. Nope, instead you feel Thailand punishes you. You are still being treated and expected to be a degen expat.
Thus, move back home if you want to “feel belong” or move to to Singapore/Hong Kong/Shanghai if you don’t mind being that rootless expat.
If you want to stay in Thailand and continue to be a decent human being, then you would probably get married, have a half-caste kid and find a whole new set of experiences and challenges.
The degen part is true, but I do think Thailand benefits you for being good if you have an online business, because you can enjoy everything else it has to offer and save good $$ to travel often. I don’t think the cities you listed are for me long-term, maybe Japan though (not Tokyo).
Agree on Thailand being good for online biz, I could live there only for that.
I if I wasn’t a fuckup, here is what I would do.
I would network and make friends with other online entrepreneurs of various kinds, successful ones that travel. That would mean you could have a group of people you know around the world, so that you don’t suffer from the transient nature of Asian expats. You can go to all these industry meetups, expos, trade fairs and the like. I’ve been to a few in my line of work (also online) and it’s really good fun and a great way to network with successful people.
Thailand is too transient to count on having the support group you need to grow and friends back home will not enable a lifestyle that includes a lot of travel, thus it is best to make friends with other serious online entrepreneurs.
I know a guy younger than you who lives in Malta, but lives like that and travels around the world. Hot brazilian girlfriend too.
Also, I would definitely read a A Farang Abroad in Japan.
In fact I think your humorous take would be a smash hit. Japan is full of politically correct expat type.
I don’t mind the discrimination. I don’t like it when it happens to me, but value living in a free country (people/business should have the freedom association/disassociation with anyone for any reason). Plus, in a cheap country like Thailand, the cost of discrimination is almost negligible. There are always more restaurants, bars, and women that would be happy to have your business and treat you well. If not, maybe the problem is you…
Personally, my two biggest grievances with developing Asian cities are the 1)The high density results in an overwhelming amount of noise, chaos, and stimuli 2) The inefficiency of simple tasks is very annoying.
However, these problems are pretty minor and are likely to improve in the coming years. Don’t forget Western cities used to suffer from similar problems not so long ago and many still do. I think the best way to evaluate a city is in terms of quality of life/$. Figuring out what increases your quality of life is the hard part. Many things such as social life, romantic life, distance to family, green space, ect. vary in importance from person to person and are hard to quantify.
They really need to sort out the high density of people, if you’ve seen Bangkok lately there are massive condos going up everywhere, I mean everywhere, half the rooms in all the new places are empty for years. I think it will get better but will take decades not years.
The skytrain/Mrt/Airport line are all struggling to keep up with increasing passenger numbers. If they continue to pocket budgets for this basic infrastructure needed to move forward, this country will remain in the 3rd world for decades while so-called ”low class” (to Thais) nations like Laos and Cambodia will overtake them pretty quickly.
@JosephT
Nobody is too young to get jaded, it’s human nature. Would he not feel jaded if he was over 40? A ridiculous statement. People travel to far flung places for their own reasons, and not just for a ”cheaper” lifestyle. If he wanted that he could have signed on the dole and sat around smoking weed back home. He got off his arse and explored the world out there. Takes balls.
So it’s cheaper, so what? Is that a terrible, awful thing in your eyes? Cities are not the same the world over, which is why people travel to experience them.
Would you rather Harvie be moaning about the prices in Singapore and Japan just to satify the losers who begrudge a cheaper, quality life? In fact Thailand is no longer cheap due to a piss weak GBP.
With statements like that it’s you that’s not travelled. See animals? An afternoon on a pedalo in Lumpini Park is great for animal watching, snakes, cats, lizards, swans, squirrels, all members of the animal kingdom last time I checked.
Volunteer at orphanages and soup kitchens? Why would that make someone unjaded? It would make most normal folk run a mile. Leave that to the gap year Facetwittergram enthusiasts, they appreciate the likes.
Get on a plane, it’s not as expensive as you think.
Don’t you like traveling around Thailand and exploring different islands?
Are those restaurant ,which you mentioned, kind of a brothel which provide services for Japanese guys?
They are karaoke bars no sex inside the place but girls can come back with you at some places, not all.
Hey Harvie,
I’ve been here 17 years and have gone through a full 360 degrees already – loving Bangkok and it’s eccentricities…. hating Bangkok and it’s eccentricities that I used to find cute now I find extremely annoying… then I’m at the point where I’ve accepted Bangkok for what it is – that there are things that will still annoy me, understanding that the Thais are complex and not one-dimensional…. I have learned that they are process-oriented (which means unfortunately you have to push them for results as they can get stuck on the process)… Am I jaded? Yes. Do I hate Bangkok? Not anymore . All points considered this is still a better country to be in than most
So don’t worry about being jaded – “this too, shall pass”
(for context: Me and my husband moved here for work. Our kids were born here. I’m from another SEA country and my hubby is European and we both travel a lot for work)
Good post, very few women post on my site, and when they do it’s usually negative. I think a big part of life is to accept things rather than trying to change them or not accept them for what they are.
Hahaha! I guess in the era of micro-aggressions some of my gender compatriots cannot just move along when your blogs or comments to it annoys them and they feel the need to “get in the fray”
I guess there are three things that distinguishes me from other women in that: (1) I consider myself a sex-positive person and (2) I have genuine friends who work as prostitutes/escorts – so I know a lot of them do it on their own volition (and even enjoy it) and not against their will (that is not to say there is no sex-traffic prostitutes and these women need to be rescued) and lastly (3) I have actual guy-friends (heterosexual cis male to be specific )
For me – as long as you treat prostitutes fairly (and pay them properly for crying out loud – trying to shore them is just pathetic and cheap!) and look at people as individuals and not as a “group” -then live and let live.