The Cultural Guide to Western/Thai Relationships
There’s a lot of information online on where to meet Thai girls and what to say, but it only scratches the surface.
If you plan to take it further than just sex, you need to know more.
In this article I am going to talk about the theoretical and practicalities of dating women from another culture.
Target audience: anybody who plans to move to Thailand with the intention of finding a life partner.
South-East-Asian attitudes
When Thai people turn 18, very few are dreaming of working in an enclosed office space, or working at all for that matter.
Excluding Singapore and Malaysia, there is no rat race culture in South-East-Asia.
Businesses in Thailand don’t usually hire people over 30 because they think they are too old and need to pay them a higher wage.
The average salary for a person out of university with a degree is about $460 per month working 10 hour days.
Starting a career isn’t on anybody’s mind because the ladder is short and not prosperous.
Since there is no opportunity for a rewarding career, the primary focus of life for Thai men and women is to find a partner and start a family.
Thais get married at a much younger age than the west. It’s common to be married and have children at 19-24.
Children send money back to their parents when they are old enough to work, so having children at a young age in Asia has advantages such as you can retire sooner.
Even when a woman is married she will be expected to send money back to her family, and hence the stories you hear of guys sending monthly amounts to their girlfriend and family.
This isn’t to say Thai people don’t work, most do but they are not worried about being fired or getting a promotion.
The point I want to make is that Eastern societies put family first and their career on the back burner.
Western attitudes
When we were 18-20 our main focus in life is to make money.
We either went to university or got a job at this age.
Unless you had a high-school sweetheart, you don’t even think about marriage or having a serious relationship at this age, well you don’t if you read my blog.
Our primary focus is to make money and have a good time.
We want money so bad we work 40 hours per week, and cut down on time spent with friends and family to earn it.
Any relationship we get into isn’t a big deal because building a career is more important.
Western societies put their career ahead of relationships and family.
Western and Thai culture differences
Western society is set up in a way where family and relationships are second to building a career and being financially free.
Eastern society is set up in a way where family comes first.
This subtle cultural difference alone is enough to make any Western/Thai relationship difficult.
You will be taking it slow because in western culture that’s what we do. Thai culture they take things faster. Everything from having sex, calling her your girlfriend to moving into together is done at a much faster rate here.
It’s not because they want your money or are trying to scam you, it’s because this is their number #1 priority.
Now let’s add the huge language barrier.
You speak two totally different languages and neither of you know the other well enough to speak at very deep or personal level.
I have a very strong accent and talk at the speed of Busta Rhymes.
Nobody in Asia could understand me for the first year, even native speaking Europeans had a hard time following me.
Over the years I learned to slow my voice and smooth my accent to a point where Thai people could understand my English.
A Thai can have an amazing education and English level, but if your accent is too strong they won’t be able to understand you well.
The average Thai has poor English, you can certainly find girls with great English but to tackle heavy topics will be hard due to the language barrier.
Being able to communicate on a deep and personal level takes a lot of practice, if you lack competent social skills it will be really hard. It took me well over a year to adjust my English and re-phase questions so Thais could understand me better.
Chances are you were educated to a very good standard for free.
In Thailand, the people who read my blog teach children. The subjects they learn are taught in a different way to how we were.
Your tastes and interests will differ.
You will like hip-hop and techno, she will like K-pop.
She won’t know Conor Mcgregor, Elon Musk or the keto diet.
You won’t know EXO, cat cafes or why she eats 3x slower than you.
None of these are necessarily bad things or should stop you from dating in Asia, these are just points to be aware of if seeking a serious relationship in Thailand.
You might only be a 12-hour flight away, but things you’ve both been exposed to all your life are so different.
It’s said the best relationships are where both people grew up in the same area and have the same life history.
I’ve seen dozens of Thai/Western couples that get on like a house on fire, and I’ve seen dozens more that don’t.
What it means when you call her your girlfriend
So you meet a nice Thai girl and you’re thinking about making her your girlfriend.
What does the boyfriend/girlfriend thing mean to Thai girls?
Well whatever it means to us, it means 10x more to them.
When we tell a girl we are her boyfriend, our hierarchy of needs looks something like this:
In western society a newly formed relationship (6 months or less) is anything but serious, it’s a whatever. As years go by, the girlfriend moves higher in the hierarchy of needs until we make the mistake of marrying her.
When you tell a Thai girl you’re her boyfriend, her hierarchy of needs looks something like this:
Make a Thai girl your girlfriend, and very quickly you’ll become the 2nd most important person in her life.
If you get into a relationship know that she is in it for the long-haul even if you’re not thinking that far ahead. Remember her goal in life is to get married and have kids and you’re the #1 candidate for that now.
This is when you’ll hear people say Thai girls are clingy, they never give you space, that’s because they are taking the relationship much more seriously than you’re. You may just want to have a girlfriend because you were tired of partying or got bored of living alone, she is qualifying you as a life partner.
Friendships in Thailand are quite fickle, it’s common to hear stories of friends scamming best friends and not to be seen again. In a short space of time you’ll be considered more important than her best friends who she has known for years.
You will never reach #1 because family is the most important thing in the world, even if they don’t like their family.
Moving in with a Thai girlfriend
Ah, when should you move in together?
I wrote a blog post a few years ago saying that anyone coming to Thailand should not get a girlfriend within the first 6 month.
It’s easy to get into a relationship and be living under 1 roof within 14 days in Thailand.
I’ve seen people do this all the time and it typically ends up in a mess. The sex gets boring, they realize they have nothing in common, her English is no good and he cannot get out of the relationship because she has moved in.
Wait 6 months at least to see if you both have a connection and are compatible to spend time with each other after the sex fizzles out.
Know that once she has moved in, it’s going to take a crane and a few years off your life to get her out.
A friend broke up with his Thai girlfriend after two years of dating, and she said to him:
“Why the hell did you date me for 2 years if you were just going to break up with me? You wasted my time”
Keep that in mind when asking a Thai girl to move in, if she accepts her intention is to go all the way. If you’re dating a crazy girl, this is the time where they break everything in your room or threaten you with crazy stuff.
Not all Thai girls are independent
This is personal opinion but I think the worst thing you can do when finding a Thai girlfriend is to date a girl who is not totally independent.
Thailand is still a third-world country, Thai girls don’t have a disposable income to take up yoga memberships, follow a particular health diet or learn new skills/hobbies because they work long hours and earn little. Many will share a room a small studio room with 3 people to save on costs and live off 7-Eleven noodles.
If you move in with your girlfriend and she is not fully independent, then your life is her life.
By fully independent I mean she has her own means of support (any salary over 15,000b), friends to meet on a regular basis, hobbies and passions.
These girls are harder to find and often you’ll need to have your own set of credentials to be able to meet them. If you’re earning a low salary, look like shit and are a deadbeat, it will be tougher for you to find such a girl.
There are so many western/Thai relationships right now where the girl just follows the guy everywhere because she has no job, money, or friends.
A common theme here is the guy tell their girlfriend to stop working because her salary is too low (13,000b) and the hours too great (10-12 hours 6 times per week).
I can see the rationale behind that, why would you want your girlfriend to work 10 hours for $15 when you make so much more and can cover her living costs easily?
But I don’t recommend anyone do that, she will be home all the time, become dependant on you and you’ll never have space.
At the very least get her to start some sort of Instagram business or learn a skill like English or marketing so she can make her own income and not be forced to work a shit job.
If you make her dependant on you from the start, as time goes by she will rely on you more and more. This weight will break your relationship.
Also if you breakup, for the last 5 years she has learned nothing and it’s going to be tough for her to support herself.
I’ve seen lots of cases where guys got into a relationship too fast, moved in, told the girl to quit her job and the next thing you know she spends all her time on her phone gets pocket money for anything she wants to do. This is not a healthy relationship.
Best relationships conditions in a Western/Thai relationship are when both parties are fully independent of each other. This is very hard to find but it will be worth it.
English is key
If your Thai girlfriend does not have a high level of English, as the relationship goes further and sex gets routine, things will fizzle out if you cannot communicate.
Most travel blogs focus on sex, but for the older readers (I seem to be getting more of them here recently) I believe many of you come here to find life-long companionship, if the girl does not have a high standard of English you’re not going to get that.
You’ll have nothing to talk about and will be eating meals in silence, taking holidays where you don’t talk to each other.
Thai girls are fine to go on a date with you even if their English level isn’t good, they’ll use their phone to translate words and are happy to just eat with minimal conversation. This is fine for a date but do you want that for 30 years?
What are guys meant to pay for?
When Thai girls go out with Thai guys (guy friends or boyfriends), the guy pays for everything.
In Thai culture, girls don’t pay for anything if with a guy.
If you’re moving in with a Thai girl I think it’s fine to let her pay the Internet bill and electricity ($60/month) but to go halves on rent or any big costs is absurd unless she is making good bank ($1,000 or more).
You just don’t do the 50/50 split in the East, don’t shoot the messenger – I didn’t make the rules!
Don’t come here with the western chip on your shoulder that you’ll only pay half of everything.
Thais earn next to nothing and many can’t afford to do western activities or eat at western restaurants. If you’re dating a girl and doing everything 50/50, you’ll be doing nothing but eating street food.
That’s not to say you should be paying 100% of everything – that is a bad idea and will make her dependant on you.
She should be working so she never needs to ask you for money for activities, and when you go out together you should be paying 70-80% of everything.
For example, if you go to a restaurant where the bill is 1,050b pay it and tell her the 180b desert is on her.
By only paying 70% and not giving them pocket money, you’ll deter gold diggers who will take all your money.
If you’re over 50+ and have a nice retirement pot, I think paying 100% of everything is fine.
Are Thai girls cheaters?
No.
If you meet your girlfriend in a dodgy after hours, she doesn’t work but always has money to eat good food and party, then yes she will most likely cheat on you at some point.
If you meet your girlfriend at a normal venue and she doesn’t resemble the traits of a turbo slut, she will not cheat.
Western guys in Thailand drink in the worst locations to meet girls, this is why you hear so many negative stories about them beating cheaters or scammers. If you date a hoe then you’re a target, not a boyfriend.
A good Thai girl is not going to cheat on you because she is prospecting you to be her life partner.
Do Thai girls care if you cheat?
There’s a saying you’ll hear if you live here long enough which is Thai girls don’t really care if you cheat.
There are words in Thai for a second wife (mai noi) and fuck buddies (gik) to give you an idea of how frequent cheating is.
Thai girls do care if you cheat on them, they just happen to get over it faster than western women.
Some of them can also take it really really bad and chop your dick off in the middle of the night, this is common.
I know a friend who’s girlfriends puts condoms in his bag when he goes on holiday with his friends, saying its okay for him to sleep with others as long as he doesn’t keep in contact with them.
Thai girls have feelings and they care if you cheat on them, but since cheating is so common (Thailand ranked #1 in the world for cheating) it’s not as a big deal compared to the west. If you cheat in the west, the only option for some women is a divorce and half your money. That’s not the case in Thailand, you can work it out.
But what about the crazy Thai girls?
Thai girls are not crazy.
Girls are crazy.
Most of the horror stories you hear about Thai girls is because the guy found her at a sleazy bar. If you’re dating a bar girl, massage girl or any girl that has worked in the industry, of course things are going to end badly for you.
As a rule of thumb, any girl you meet out after 1 am you probably don’t want to meet more than once and should not be your girlfriend.
There are Thai girls who make a very good living by dating western several western men and getting money from them each month. This type of girl is easy to find (clubs) but must be avoided.
Are Thai girls feminists?
This is an odd question I get more and more.
Thai girls are feminine, not feminists.
As a whole they have traditional views, men dominate and the women will listen follow them as long as the guy keeps bringing home the bread.
Don’t have a girlfriend if you don’t live in Thailand
If you’re one of these guys who comes to Thailand a few times a month and has a girlfriend who you support – end it now.
It’s not going to work, there’s a high chance she is dating other guys because she fears that you’ll leave her one day and she needs a plan B in case plan A fails. She may not even like you but because you’re paying for her living costs while out the country, she just has you on a leash while dating others.
I’m 100% sure in the comments you’re going to get my readers saying they dated girls who have guys supporting them who they don’t respect.
I wrote this article for people who want a serious relationship with a Thai girl, long-distance relationships never work and you can tell me your girlfriend is different, but you’re only fooling yourself.
The 80/20 rule
20% of girls in Thailand fit the framework I’ve talked about above. They have good English, they are earning a good salary, are independent, not crazy and will be able to offer you companionship as a long-term partner. If truth be told it’s most likely less than 20%.
80% of Thai girls won’t have great English, will have a low paying or no job, no hobbies and will be totally dependant on you.
Both types of girls are fine to date and marry, but with the cultural issues and everything else that goes into making a relationship work, you’ll find the most success by dating a girl in the 20% group.
I would not advise anyone under the age of 35 to date a girl in the 80% group unless you have perfect Thai, and even if you do it will still be hard as she won’t have been exposed to western culture.
As a rule of thumb, the worse a girl’s English, the less exposure she has had to western culture.
Your thoughts? As always leave a comment below so I can get your feedback on this article and what you would like next.
Where is the best massage in Bangkok?
Living in Thailand for $1000
Good stuff Harvie, I have a wonderful Thai girlfriend, she has the patience of a saint. Language is sometimes a barrier because I am her first foreign boyfriend but we always work out our differences. I would be a much better person if I had her understanding and patience.
One area that can be difficult is Humor…there is a huge difference in western humor vs Thai understanding of a joke. She will say something that you or I would take seriously whereas she is only joking, this has opened up needless conversation had she been clear about make a joke of an issue. It will take time as we are only 2 months into our relationship but we are slowly getting there and I believe worth time and occasional moment of frustration.
They also don’t get sarcasm but it’s important to open that dialogue to understand each other going forward to better understand each other. Getting her to watch Friends helps :D.
This is an actually a very interesting article. I’ve visited Thailand on a few separate occasions to train Muay Thai. On my trips to Bangkok, I’ve usually met Thai girls who were fluent in English. Some of them were quite wealthy as well. One of them has owned a sports car and a villa by the beach. So she was financially well-off and I could safely assume that she appreciated my company and not my wallet :-P. I think that’s a safe way of knowing that a girl is not a gold digger.
Btw. That doesn’t mean that a poor girl can’t be decent as well but she will be definitely less independent as you put it.
English is key. However, you don’t want them to speak amazing 100% fluent English or else you start running into the feminist Thai girls because of the heavy Western influence required to learn English. I personally go for decent English, but nothing super complex. I figure they will learn English if we start dating.
On the cheating: Girls in general don’t care if you cheat so long as they don’t have options. In SEA, no SEA guy wants to date a girl with a divorce (especially over 25 or so), so they’re kind of stuck. In the Anglosphere women get 50% and will have guys sucking their nasty ass crow’s feet, so hell they’ll encourage their husband to cheat to get that 50%.
On the paying for stuff: I (almost) always pay for everything when we go out, but I date broke university students; no allowances or anything though. Do give them Grab money (like 50 cents).
Guys that refuse to pay for anything (most of the guys on RooshV) really grind my gears. They bitch about feminists in the Anglosphere all the time, yet they want broke girls to pay 50% (literally a few dollars) anytime they go out.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
I’ve never met a feminist Thai girl in my entire time in Asia.
I have met a few around Thong Lor.
Either soft 5s at best with hiso backgrounds educated in the west or pumped and dumped by western guys.
You can see their nasty attitudes in their faces miles away.
(My comment is more about english skills in general than it is a reply to you)
The REAL problem with girls who speak english well, is not that they speak it well but that they UNDERSTAND what the stupid foreigners are saying. Face it guys, a lot of farang in Asia sit down and fill the girls ears with pure crap, some out of nervousness and others because they are so afraid of pussy that they pretend to be so overly serious and only want a REAL RELATIONSHIP and the result is mouth diarrhoea with a negative twist.
If it stopped there, that would be fine, but it doesnt! Now the farangs start insulting the girls by whining like “oh why do you have colored contact lenses, its better without and blah blah blah”, Thats already enough for a girl to lose interest but still the farang will not give it a rest, and start insulting her music taste with like “how can you listen to that korean crap, i dont get it, thats not real music, its so stupid” and then they try to “educate” them in real music, like they will ever love Willie Nelson or Iron Maiden, oh yes… How will it improve your relationship if you have the same taste in music anyway?
I have a very pretty friend with very white natural teeth, she was angry because her white date had given her a lecture about how her teeth could be aligned and how much it would cost to do that where he came from, and he wasnt even a dentist. If she didnt understand what he said they would have gotten along much better. And she dont need alignment at all, so pretty natural smile.
…And thats just some of the stories girls tell about their bad experiences with foreigners. A returning subject is Americans being afraid of young girls, now its their choice if they feel that way but why do they need to honk the girls ears full of “youre too young, i need mature who i can talk to”? In addition to being a rejection its also an insult to their intelligence.
And of course, IKEA and Volvo are bad topics, noone cares, not in Asia and not in the western world, in universal language its called being a dork.
Be happy if the girl speak english well, just TALK LESS and youll be fine. Next time you are lucky enough to meet a smart girl who like KPOP dont be negative but say “i like Lisa Manoban, so beautiful, like you are”. A little positivity has never hurt anyones chances.
@ploff
Great points made. I have listened to many conversations similar to what you said.
Another boring farang drone l overheard was telling his girl about how racist the white skin thing is and tanned skin was more healthy.
I heard him almost demanding that she must change her thinking about this otherwise she “wouldn’t move forward in life”….yeah right just like he’s relocated to a third world country where has no rights, is comedic fodder for the natives and works as a tefling ajarn earning the equivalent of the dole back home.
And with his jiggling man boobs and pasty white legs he’ll soon need medical insurance to fund his stay in the diabetes ward.
Of course she won’t argue, just smile through gritted teeth until she can escape. Another American putting the world to rights eh
..who needs ’em
There are exceptions of course, but l’ve overheard any others in Swensens like that idiot
Having a dialogue about these things can be really good. For example in the West, brown = sexy where here pasty white skin = sexy. Talking about this is fine but demanding or changing the girl to believe your way of thinking is not. Regardless of where the girl is from, you should not want change them but accept them. My next blog will touch on this.
I wouldn’t even listen to what a woman says they find attractive. They all say they want a nice guy that doesn’t insult them and we know how that turns out.
I agree that the lack of advanced English is great for more inexperienced guys though. Less opportunity to say something stupid and the girl won’t bitch at you as much.
Volvo, Ikea … Are you Swede?
Good post mate.
I have a question. If cheating is so common in Thailand, which it does seem to be, what does that tell us about the quality of relationships?
I think this is rather an important thing right?
We see so many single mothers too. Maybe it is that thai girls take relationships very seriously, but then again, a whole lot of them seem to end badly either the guy getting them pregnant and splitting or them getting cheated on every friday when boyfriend is at the karaoke club.
Why do thai girls then jump so quickly into relationships? Is this what you’re saying about the whole friends, job, family thing? That a relationship is basically the most interesting, fun, meaningful thing going on in their life outside family?
I quite enjoyed this about thai girls, that they seemed to be able to get really into a relationship/love/sex even if they had been in a bad one before, where western girls often seem like they got PTSD (seriously) after a bad breakup. For some reason, most thai women, seem to roll with the punches more. They cry and scream but eventually get over it and ready to try again.
Do you have any comment on that?
Guys cheat the most because it’s so easy for them either paying or going online. The only girls I’ve seen cheating are the party girls/bar-girls who just want to make $$$.
I think girls getting over stuff may have to do with their religion, they just seem to forgive and forget a lot quicker in general. Yes they do fall in love a lot faster, I think because they put more mental commitment into the relationship
Whilst I agree with the cheating issues, (I know you have advised me before Harv for which I will take on the chin and thank’s it’s nice to know the thing’s I know already but just appreciate the confirmation) I don’t cheat but my girlfriend once said to me quoting “you can have but I don’t want to know!”…most of what you say in your blog’s and I read the comment’s with great interest, I understand and respect completely that you can’t speak for everyone and every Thai Woman, generally I guess with Thai culture you are talking on average or overall because there has been no mention of age difference, and of course the culture/attitude of Thai women can vary some of which can depend on what part of Thailand they’re from, and AGE makes a big difference and in general, just suppose a westerner meets a western woman and start a relationship with a 20 year or “more” age gap I guess is an average in Thailand assuming the girl is the youngest (I like to emphasise the word more), would she completely understand the sarcasm or humour between you both in western culture…creating a better “conversation” between you maybe?
This article is about normal Thai girls who are not working in the bar scene. Age group is 18-35 and I had to generalize a lot because there are variations to everything. This is just a guide, a path to give you an idea of what things are like, but each aspect has many variations.
Usually the bigger the age gap the less you have in common. You will also be from two different generations which makes things harder.
Hi Harvie, there are many variations of course but speaking from my own experience, My brother lived near Bangkok for 5.5 years and married a Thai much younger than himself, he had to leave for work reasons being promoted to head office in San Diego, for the American co he was working for in Thailand, the marriage didn’t last long as he caught her with a guy in there bed in a Las Vegas hotel.
Another good friend of mine married 2008 to a Thai lady in Thailand much younger than himself to which I was best man, they moved to the UK and are still happily married living in Northamptonshire with 3 children, Another good friend of mine lives in Bangkok and has been married to a Thai lady now for 11 years, have two lovely kids, there marriage is NOT great by any standards but still together, he is 66 and she now is 38, I see them regular every time I go back. I will be seeing them in a couple of weeks when I return. I could go on but I gues you have an idea on my Thai experiences, ever since my 1st visit in 1995 so I’m not new to this. thanks for the reply Harv
Thanks for the comments Roger, good to see people are making it work.
Spot on about long distance relationships, as tragic as it sounds, it’s a waste of time.
Cheers mate just signed up ,heading to Phillipines soon I’ll keep yr advice close
I wouldnt advice you to live by these guidelines, not in TH and esp not in PH, theyre subjective at best and has a serious amount of generalisations. “The 20%” recommended girls in this post are the ones to stay away from in Philippines, they will drag you to boring places with lots of chaperons (friends who are there for a free ride, paid by you) and a boring guy named Bernhard or whatever who will be appointed to be your bestfriend and companion. Bernhard never had a girlfriend and will do his best to bore you, i see foreigners and their Bernhard everywhere i go where there are many foreigners. Been subjected to Bernhards myself but i dont mind being rude if i have to take back control of a situation, but most of all i dont accept to pay for joyrides and resorts for friends of girlfriends in the first place. I dont date 20%’ers anymore, its no problem to find girls after 1AM who want to get serious, way less BS with those.
In Philippines its crucial to stay away from single mothers if you want relationships, and dont make the mistake of thinking older is better and more “mature and nice to talk to”, theyre damaged goods and even if they marry you they will still be true to the father of their child in their heart. Most foreigners cant understand the language so they will not notice that their filipina wife talk about a different husband when she talk with other filipina, the foreigner she will refer to as hubby or some other degrading name, just so all filipinos will understand that she is a real filipina and she belong to a filipino. Later this foreigner will join the club of foreigners who want to tell you about his beautiful filipina wife and then show you a photo of a mediocre-to-ugly somewhat old filipina, you dont want to join that club.
Anyway, i guess you need to make your own mistakes, its one of the primary traits of males; the inability to learn from other peoples mistakes.
By the 20%, I don’t mean the hi-so or rich girls who spend their parents money, I mean hard-working Thai girls with good English. The quality of girls you meet after 2am for a life partner is poor, most of them just want to have fun and party, and the women pool after 2am is also infested with freelancers and gold diggers. Guys are much more likely to find a bad girlfriend and lose a lot of money than to find a wife at that hour. I’m not saying don’t date the girls who are out at 2am (you should), they are just less desirable as a life partner as they seek different things to you.
Thats the kind if girls i mean. Usually Lower middle class, college student or low income job. In PH they are mostly terrible, some are not virgin and can be fun but still have some of the usual vices. Very demanding to boyfriends, highly unrealistic relationship expectations.
As for life partner, a bargirl or freelancer in say Angeles is just a working girl too but usually from a poorer background, the only real difference is that they are nicer and dont have those twisted relationship expectations. I cant find any significant difference between such girls and regular girls from the poorer parts of southern metro manila, and a bargirl earn her own money, nice advantage.
Lets just be honest enough to admit that guys who dont want Phil bargirls end up supporting some kid and then start showing photos of old mediocre ladies and shouting “isnt she beautiful!?!?” while in fact shes nearly as old as the mothers of my female friends.
I think your opinion has some value in TH, but SE Asia nah… Both in Phil and Hong Kong the highclass girls are often among the nicest, what you view as HiSo in TH is probably what Filipinos call Social Climbers, whom are horrible.
We should add that most guys go for low hanging fruit (girls they meet online or bars/clubs) which aren’t the best girls to meet as they will often fit into one of the segments you mentioned. It’s better not to look for a girl and just go on with normal life and you’ll meet one organically. By activating looking and the inability to speak Thai, westerns almost always look in the worst places.
It’s 2018 and we still need to mention how it’s a bad idea to marry a bar girl when there’s ample information online on all the horror stories, yet people still do it.
I’ve been to PH 4 times but not spent enough time to know how it works there, but a friend said that high-class girls in Manila (while boring) are quite down to earth. PH is much more welcoming to western culture than Thailand, hence their level of English and religion.
Yeah i met my share of fake manipulating bargirls in PH, and they cannot always be filtered out at first sight. What the bad ones do have in common is being “single” mothers and usually age 23-24 and up. The last one that fit the description was very nice at first, we went to mall, bought a nice tshirt for her, dinner and starbucks, she hold my hand and we had nice conversations, before we had sex. She didnt complain at all when i gave her just a small amount before dropping her off near her place after a nearly perfect date. So far. Took a few days before i saw her true colors, when i refused to give her money for some “problems”. And thats the problem right there, inexperienced guys will give them money so they stay sweet, they are stupid enough to believe that her child will starve and possibly die if you dont give money for imaginary medicine, vitamins and milk. As long as the money keep coming they will never show their true colors.
Im currently having a longer “non-GF” relationship with a younger bargirl with no kids, she dont need any money from me and keep messaging me and flooding me with her selfies on a daily basis, nice caring and a great girl. Had similar female bestfriends before, without any money issues. Very good GF material.
Thais are essentially always on the look out for sugar daddies at all times as remaining independent isn’t really worth it to them with the shitty salaries, long working hours and 6 day work weeks.
Those who aren’t are way out of your league unless you have local cred (as in working as a hotel / f&b manager and thais can vouch for you etc.).
The only reason she will consider you as a foreigner to begin with and take up the mia falang stigma upon herself is because she considers white guys to be the better potential sugar daddies. Whatever else she feeds you is bullshit unless she had seriously bad experiences with a bunch of thai guys, but if she isn’t a hooker from the rice paddies (equivalent to white trash from back home) that is unlikely, as middle class and above girls are generally quite sheltered by their parents, protect their reputation and don’t tend to fuck around without probable serious commitment.
Unless you see yourself as a sugar daddy it’s just not worth it and banging hookers is much more straight forward and largely cheaper in the long run.
Thais are not always on the lookout for sugar daddies, girls you meet in clubs and bars are yes. From your last paragraph it seems you’re talking about hookers, which should never be made girlfriends.
Also, I’ll be the obligatory story about long-distance relationships. I “dated” (just a FWB) a 27 y/o Vietnamese girl that had a long distance relationship with a guy from India. Dude gave this girl about $2k/month, bought her a MacBook, paid for her nice apartment, and flew to Saigon about once every 3 months.
Girl was the biggest skank. Talked about her BF’s small penis and fucked guys she met on Tinder on the reg. Not a low class girls either. Came from a middle class family (dad had a car), had a pretty decent office job and degree, and spoke great English.
Don’t do long-distance relationships in SEA.
I am a Gen X. We learned from the Baby Boomers how to value SEA for “spicy seafood, hookers and blow” – but dont do drugs, threre are better ways to embrace a hedonistic and openminded lifestyle.
In theory this article and feedback provide good insight. Of course one should seek a partner who can take of her self, speaks good english and is educated. Everything else spells disaster. But dont hurry. Why should a 20-something (or a guy who just turned 30) settle down? Experirence stuff, do bad things, try do date ladyboys if its your thing (not my cup of tea though), dont commit to early. Honour the legacy of the late Anthony Bourdain. Take risks. Go outside your comfort zone. Life is short. I am a doctor but have lived an “interesting” life. Its so sad to meet old friends in there 50-th who to late in life search for tools to get things to remember outside of what is expected from them, from an evironment clearly bored to hell.
Good advice. Just don’t leave it too late :).
Most amusing are the vagina-whipped farang who are trying and failing to “educate” their skank rentahoes that money does not equal real love and how love matters more. The poor girls can’t escape these barstool philosophers fast enough.
This normally translates into “l’m a desperate old whore chaser with no savings who expects free sex”
This species of farang will always somehow bend a conversation round to tell you his skanky tramp hoe is different and pays her way by buying dinner*
*Dinner as in a bowl of rice noodles in warm sewage water with brown cubes of pigs blood, in a filthy soi near her bar.
If that floats your boat, fine. But that boat will sink faster than ten kittens in a bag of rocks.
Yes bar girls should be avoided at ALL costs. If you date one know that she is only there until your money goes.
I think the best girls for a long-term partner are working class girls who work and have a decent income. I would say in Thailand anything over $1,000 per month is a good income. Since all westerns who come to Bangkok are working class too, I think that’s the best fit.
The so called “middle-class girls” may have money but they are not independent, they use their parents money and have very little personality or desire to do anything. They are the same as rich white kids who drive lambos in the west.
Yes I am generalizing (how can you not when talking on such a topic) and I’m sure there middle-class girls who are not like that, but they are the exception.
From my limited experience, I would advise you to be very suspicious of the types who have numerous male farang friends. I don’t mean whores but regular girls. They will tell you they are ‘jus friend’ but don’t buy it, even if they are.
It’s the farang friends you should mistrust more than her. Too many look at and talk to Thai girls like they are all fair game.
She will cheat with these farang friends, more likely because he would have instigated it.
After all, even if they are ‘jus friends’ and they meet up, what do you think they talk about? Politics? Stephen Hawking theories? Disadvantages of Brexit?
Even more hellish is this scenario if you are 6000 miles away clinging to your long distance relationship
Yes nice tip. A good way to know is when you add them on Facebook or IG, if they have dozens of western friends, it should be a red flag that the girl is not ready to settle down yet.
Every farang guy is trying to sleep with every Thai girl they talk to, regardless of if they have a boyfriend or not.
^ And the girl will persist and tell him it’s all ok and not to worry.
I usually check their facebook, instagram and Line feed, to see what kind of guys are liking their pics and what kind of comments they are adding. Many will inevitably include some kind of sexual innuendo and/or love heart sticker.
Beware. That sneaky farang is only a few private chats from a date. He can’t help himself.
Sometimes the girls are innocent and naiive/stupid enough to believe he does just want to see the grand palace and jim thompsons house, until of course he gets her to a bar or beer garden first.
If that farang is abroad and likely to visit Thailand soon, it won’t be too difficult to find clues in comments.
And let’s be honest, a percentage of Thai girls are easy to get into bed.
After that, the comedy of her lying attempts are quite easy to detect, and some ridiculous story of losing phones (impossible for a thai as it’s normally glued to their hand) or working late will easily be accepted by Johnny Teerak Farang who is still saving up to visit in 3 months.
As the Doobie Brothers said in the 1979 song…
“What a fool believes, he sees”
What you say Pat and Harvie is so true and ring’s so many bells, just about every comment you’ve made I read is not all justified in my case but hilarious to say the least, keep up the good work chap’s…
I forsee the future of the sick buffalo scam. Many blokes obviouly still fall for it.
In 2038 an updated version of this tale will be something like “my robot buffalo needs a new circuit board and transformer…can u help me daaling, lubb you long time l plomiss”
And so it continues…there are thousands of farang queing up at passport control daily, desperate to experience this….
Broadly agree with most of this with biggest emphasis on being able to actually communicate to a high level with them, in English. Even if you speak Thai to a high level it’s still important to be able to converse with them in your own language well on a day to day basis as well as theirs. Ever see a guy or girl who’s been living in a foreign country and not conversed in their own language for some time (this isn’t so big a thing what with the interwebs these days) when they meet a compatriot in a bar or somewhere unexpectedly? They babble away at each other non-stop. Being able to shoot the shit on day to day basis with your girlfriend is as important as being able to discuss the more important things.
Harvie mentioned sarcasm and this is the acid test of a Thai girl really understanding hunour and Western, well mainly British personality’s imo. Its also a good indicator that if they do get sarcasm then they have been around Western guys a great deal already.
I disagree about the going Dutch thing though, quite a few low-middle, middle, and higher-middle class Thai girls I’ve dated have offered to pay their way in one form or another. Them paying for dessert as mentioned is a popular one and I find if they suggest where to eat/drink they will often pay half the bill. You can tell pretty often…if they suggest a noodle type restaurant at a mall then there is a good chance they will chip in without being asked…if they suggest Gaucho or Vertigo then unless they’re pretty moneyed up you’ll be paying 100%. Another arrangement that I find common is you pay for the bigger things like dinners out, nights out/drinks, little trips away and they get all the smaller ones like coffee and cakes, cinema tickets, pick up the Villa Market bill if you’re eating/drinking in (except then it’s usually Foodland) and that sort of thing. For FL’s/BG’s then fully agree you’ll be paying for everything always in most cases even if you start “dating”.
A good thing to do at the start of a relationship is find out/go through all the absolute utter crap they spend/waste money on in a month, it often adds up to a few K Baht. If you can get them to see that and agree with you on it then that is a great outcome as you’ve really done nothing but they suddenly have a nice chunk of change extra/spare to spend on themselves. Getting them to give you the money they’re not wasting on whatever everyday and then give it all back to them at end of the month is a good one, even if it’s just 2-3k.
Good comments Nate.
Feminine or feminis? Thaigirls are transactional and calculating. Being feminine is a better tool to achieve success than adopting feminist views. At least for now. But it could and probably will change.
Where do you think can be a good place to meet a independent wealthy Thai girl? Like the Victoria secret in Siam Paragon, near a car parking lot,near the Embassy of an European country ?
Are you trolling because you’re doing a great job if so.
Not really. Finding a Wealthy Thai girl in public is not easy. Will it be helpful, if you mention some other places to find them.
Oh, if you went to a car parking lot of a Euro Embassy you would come across as a stalker, the same if you went to a women’s underwear shop, hence the are you joking. If you want to meet wealthy Thai girls you need to network and have roots in Bangkok. As an expat that is hard, so focus on making meaningful relationships with the right people.
Wealthy does not mean good. You’d want a hard working girl on a good salary, again the best places to meet these girls are organically, not by picking them up at malls.
Spot on. Seriously wealthy girls will also only usually date seriously wealthy guys, seriously wealthy Thai girls will only date very very wealthy guys who aren’t Thai or at least the right kind of Asian unless you are a 10/10 Brad Pitt clone (and then you’d just be a bit of fun) or can somehow help them to gain face (unlikely) or advance their life/career in some way and be completely acceptable without question in their social and family circles (again unlikely). Can you (Khun Thomas) treat and keep a really wealthy Thai girl in the manner (and manor you could say) as to which she has been accustomed to her whole life and expects as normal, every day? I’ve dated middle and higher middle class Thai girls who’s family aren’t short of a few Baht; they’ve studied in the UK and US at proper schools and Uni’s, family has own business usually, girl has their own newish decent car albeit on lease/finance (think Mini/ CHR/CRV/CX-5 kinda thing) but these aren’t really seriously wealthy, they aren’t swinging Birkins and debating which Manolo’s to wear out with you. Only one of them I met in a set-up/planned kinda way, through TF years ago in 2011 I think when you could still find a few like that on there.
@Thomas
Most wealthy Thais will suss out the farang losers as whore chasers pretty much immedietely.
If anywhere, you’d have more chance in your home country meeting a wealthy Thai bird up for a ‘bit of rough’
Just follow them home, then knock on her door holding a stack of take away menus for a Thai restaurant. That might get your foot in the door, as they say.
Whatever you do, DO NOT say you went to Pattaya for 2 weeks a decade ago.